Do Not Underestimate God

English: Never underestşmate or overestimate (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

God can bring you low if He wants. That Spirit is no joke. People think they have it all figured out, but that is one big lie. You think Demons know it all. They know nothing. Seriously, after where I’ve trod, those things are blank. But they are tricky. You need to know them. I’m no expert and trust me when I say, I’m learning.

Getting trapped by the Devil is only part of the Story. And I didn’t say that you fall in church. Where did that come from anyway? Maybe its Doctrine or Creed or Dogma. I don’t want to fall down and know. Tell me. Why do some people think I don’t know God? Are you serious? Maybe I don’t act like it, but I do know Him. That’s part and parcel of my life. And I won’t change it. I even can’t.

Of trappings. I  have experienced it and oh that guy feels so bad when he knows that He can’t touch this (okay, my heart). You bring all kinds of temptations. I can see them from afar. Thank God. But too bad people only see the smoke and not the fire. Know it alls. The war is the real deal. Funny how I get to enjoy myself sometimes. That’s just weird. I said, sometimes not all times. Most times I’m down in the dumps.

Too bad I have demons that won’t let me go. Would you believe me if I told you I know why? It looks normal, but it’s really not. I don’t know if I’ll be able to live with myself after this confession. I’m terrified. If you see me get into a fight with the Devil, know I don't agree entirely with what he wants. That I know. Otherwise, why are you fighting me? Or maybe it is God. Huh! Awesome.

Seriously your fights are hurting me. But I’m flattered.

I have noticed a weird pattern in my life and I’m going to alter it this time. Well, maybe…

Seriously, why can’t I speak Swahili? I’d be hilarious. I know myself so bad it hurts. If you think this is funny, you haven’t heard me become funny in my own mother tongue. People try to bring something out to come across as hilarious, but it’s more hilarious in their tongue.

 I’ve heard people tell their tales and I like to believe them, but if I don’t, then you are lying. We’ll this may not be necessarily true for everyone, but I know when you are lying. Maybe I’m telepathic and I don’t know it. But I have realized it gets stronger when I am close to God. Right now I’m joking at best. But it’s so damn good I can’t let go. This freedom (read slavery) looks amazing. Well, I can. I believe that all things are possible to them that believe.

You know I have to be nice to people with God. I don’t want to. I really don’t. I’m not going to pretend that human beings are awesome. They are really not. A few are. I admit that. I do give credit where it is due. Seriously, do not cross me and we will be friends. But the choice is yours. We don’t have to know each other at all. But if I know you, the rule applies. This rule applies to almost everyone in my life. A few have managed to cross me and gotten away with it, but try crossing me again. I dare you. I do not forgive easily. My human nature can’t allow it.

And don’t be a coward. Attack me when I’m up and about, handling my own business. Not when I’m not at my best. Nobody likes cowardice unless you are a coward.

My ex should be here. He’d tell me I am the opposite of what I write. Oh! Why did you have to lie. Lies on top of lies? You never thought you’d be caught one day?  You were really one in 7 billion. You hurt me so bad. Jesus!!! Why? I just let it go. I’m not gonna fight with you. I’ll never do it because our relationship is over. Time to fight another one. Relationships that don’t have fights are rare or someone is being a doormat!!! I know a good one that ended in death for one. Sad, huh? Anyway, I said what I said and that’s that. Stop being depressed. Move on. That was a passing storm and it’s over. Hell, I’m not depressed. I should be but I’m not. I honestly don’t get your depression. It doesn’t make me happy, but it is uncalled for.

The sad bit is that you only have 2 choices. The good and the bad. I’m in the middle right now and that’s not a choice because there are two. Do you know which side I’ll end up on? And don’t factor in people; they don’t matter when I choose. Why I’m I alive now? This is the end of the end. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t say the world is ending. Not really. It’s not. But you are facing something worse than the gallows. Too bad I have to explain that to you. Do your research please.

Being in the middle will only end in the “bad” group. I don’t want that, but I sincerely have no choice in the matter. This is so bad!!! I wish I was Moses.

I’m not bitter at you. Not really. If anything, my stresses are gotten rid off elsewhere not on people. But I do stand for what I believe to be true. And if you are with me, you’ll have to be responsible for your actions. Why would I be bitter at you? If anything, you are just being a good audience and I like that. Someone told me I am raw and blunt. I didn’t disagree because it is true. I’m supposed to be diplomatic. We’ll I’m trying so hard. Diplomacy is not my strong suit or maybe it is? It has never been if I can recall stuff. I was born aggressive not assertive and my human nature does not want me to be diplomatic in any way. Unfortunately, this world wants assertive. I have noticed aggressive terrifies them.

Diplomacy is the ability to insult you without you noticing it. I see diplomatic people being abused without them noticing it and I laugh. This is when you should apply the “I don’t care attitude.”Otherwise words will hurt you and you will retaliate. Unfortunately, retaliating doesn’t produce desired results. I will insult you and leave you to your own devices. My bluntness is my weakness. I admire diplomacy.

I hope to choose someday and whichever side I end up on, I wish you well. If you won’t choose, the choice has been made by your actions. Keep living in denial. I know it is awesome for now.

Need I tell you you’ll pay for it? And you won’t like it.

A Letter to Frodo

Elijah Wood as Frodo in Peter Jackson's live-action version of The Lord of the Rings. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hi Frodo. You’re a hobbit right? I must say your feet are weird but I love every character you’ve got. You are fierce, strong, curious and small, just like me. Okay, the small bit. The rest is really up to people around me not me. I also love your uncle. What’s his name again? Bilbo Baggins.

The shire is everything I want. Peaceful, warm, green (outside), normal, awesome, and a home; with all the comforts. I must say your décor sucks but you’re a hobbit so imma let that slide. What? You thought being a hobbit is weird? The ear thing you’ve got going on and your round house? I don’t think so but if I were you, I’d shave those feet. Jesus!!! But I do love your round house.

Erebor is magnificent. The city of Dale looks like it’s inhabited to the untrained eye. Too bad the dragon ruined Erebor but I love dragons so think of me as weird. I don’t mind.  I know they cause a lot of harm but there is something special about those creatures. You know there are houses, real ones that look like they were abandoned long time. I’m sure ghosts live there. I wish vampires were real. They’d inhabit those houses. I should write a letter to the originals. I love the intrigue. Ahh … If wishes were horses …

By the way your uncle’s movie has a flaw I can’t ignore anymore. How does a hobbit hold something (what is that anyway?)glistening because of fire and holds it with his own hands to be molded without getting burnt? That’s one hell of a lie but so are dragons. But, since you can’t conjure fire, that’s a lie in fiction. Anyway, let me ignore that flaw.

But Smaug … I love. Reminds me I have to see “The Desolation of Smaug”. I need to see the dwarves at home. Smaug or no Smaug.

The Arkenstone. For real? Anyway nothing is real so I’m sorry I pointed that out. The Elvish king. What was his name again? Thre… something.  He deserves to be King but the first one was a joke. The lady of Lorien … epic!!! She calls Gandalf, Mithrandir … that is so Lord of the Rings but that was awesome. She can read minds … I wouldn’t want her around me.

You got sick, King Thrain? Your son stuck by you. Thorin. Buy him a medal. He deserves it. Your sickness was weird. Well, to me.

Unfortunately, I’m sure you are a mean guy. What’s his heart’s desire? If you can give it to him, go ahead. I hope it’s not your throne or your gold because I can tell you’ll be a big disappointment. Given a choice, I‘d not be around to see such sad sickness eat you alive. Thank God that pale Orc finished you. Seriously you died in the movie and left the gold. (Thank God the movie is not from Nollywood). Tell yourself that it’s not real. Oh no! Don’t get me wrong. I hate orcs.

Kingdom of Moriah and the orcs. I didn’t like that war. The one you were beheaded? No, I don’t. You seem okay. Well, to me. But looks can be so deceiving. Whatever!!! It’s a movie. But the eagles that rescued the entire crew were awesome. I love that Thorin was not killed. It could have been the end of the Journey for me. And so was Bilbo. You have a good uncle, Frodo.

And that part of him and Gollum was weird. Anyway, that explains how he got the ring. Thorin’s attitude to Bilbo was despicable at first. Bilbo almost left and that didn’t sit well with me. But He changed his mind and so did I about Him.

Gandalf. I love Gandalf.  Why is He not in Harry Potter? By the way, what was that good morning thing? I didn’t get it and I’m not going to repeat a movie coz of good morning banter. Bilbo was just being himself. Saruman. I also like him. Weird,huh? After what he did to you, Frodo while you bore that ring, he should be an enemy.

But I like his attitude here. He talks to Gandalf without fear or favour and that I love. But his disdain for that garden wizard I don’t like. Gandalf said nothing. Well, Saruman’s very old so maybe that’s why I don’t mind him. If He were young, He’d be an enemy. Big time.

Again, I hate orcs. Those things are hideous and the fact that they are not for this warrior group makes them my enemies. Well the dragon did not do well. It should leave Erebor. 60 years guarding plunder? No!!! The Orc city was horrible and the fact that the crew survived the orcs was even more horrible. You cannot fall that far and live. And orcs cannot surround you and you live. That’s just wrong. But I’m happy you survived. Had you died, I wouldn’t have watched the rest of the movie. Trust me. Anyway, flaws happen. Unless, I missed a divine something. Oh! Gandalf … Yeah, sorta divine. Your movie has few flaws. I like that.

Riverndale. The beautiful city of Elves. I didn’t get it. Why did the dwarves leave? Or they have no home? Sad!!! You’ll get one as soon as I watch Smaug being made desolate. But you do have a home in middle earth. Dragon or no dragon.

Anyway I guess the movie couldn’t have been a complete journey without these men. And Bilbo Baggins.

Today’s Safari

Apple Safari icon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

OMG! Today I’ve had the pleasure of walking with a Muslim and a Christian. I must say the Christian sucks. No wonder women run to be married as second, third and fourth wives by Muslim men. The guy I had the pleasure of meeting is called Mohammed. Kudos Mohammed. I must say you are one real person.

Thank you for telling me you are man born of woman. Thank you for telling me you do not intend to rape me. I should have laughed but that was really something. I guess I’m used to bad people until I don’t see the good side anymore. On a lone road, its dark and you are there waiting for your friend. You  deserve a medal. Thank you for not trying to woo me. I would look at you with a look that suggests … like seriously?

Wow! I wish all people had your decency. A half-caste who is a god. You mean these people exist? I am still processing that information. I still can’t believe there are good people like you. And no I’m not changing religions. I have met Christians who are real and that is something rare these days. They made an impression on me and that cannot change. Why? You’d ask. It’s just the way it is. I’ll tell you.

And you told me that people are different. I agree. They are as varied as the palm of our hands. Word!!! You are so on point. If only your partner copied you. He’d win more souls than anyone I know.

You have talked of Job. I must say that was spot on. But I’m no Job. He’s a hero. I’m barely there. But whatever you told me was true and I couldn’t agree more.

Thank you for the support. Thank you, you did not judge me. I’ve been judged a lot for my hair. Sorry for saying this but I care less. I’m not a Muslim and thank you for not forcing me to be one. But I know I must change to be accepted by your people. I’m not changing any time soon. Well, they say Moslem (what English is this? British or American?) … whatever.

Anyway, I feel encouraged. I won’t tell you to be a Christian but I honestly love all you said. That Christian friend of yours is misusing that name. He’s not 4 real. Just trudging along with the other faithful. But who I’m I to judge? I’m a joker. I know!!! I just hope I haven’t been somebody’s downfall otherwise I’m no good too. You on the other hand are not human. You are too good to be human. Maybe I was talking to an angel and I didn’t know it.

Jesus!!! I’ve put Milo with tea. I hate that drink. Sorry, I have to go make a new one now. But I really appreciate your kindness and everything you said. It has been memorable meeting you. Now, I feel bad for saying what I said in my earlier post about your religion. I don’t agree with it but I do love what it has done to you. Forgive me please. I’m not God.

A Letter to Captain Jack Sparrow …

Jack Sparrow (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First I want to wish you a long and happy life. I love Pirates of the Caribbean and I’m glad it made you super rich. I know you said you have a daughter that you have no idea what to do with all your earnings. I honestly don’t care what you decide to do but invest in her. I know you understand what I mean. By the way I didn’t know how to spell Caribbean. I was putting double “r” instead of double “b”. I know you are not a real pirate but I hope all captains are like you. Okay the wishes were horses thingy do apply but whatever …

I know I am pissing someone off but too bad. Stop reading this, breathe ten times and move the fuck on. You know the beauty of your movie is that it has no abusive language. I’ll try to be subtle. I promise.

Now, I really wanted you to die in the end but I’m glad you didn’t. Bootstraps son took your place. You should be glad. What was his name again? Yeah, Will Turner.

And that other captain, the one without one leg, what’s his name again? He played his role nicely but you are my all time favorite.

Drink up, me hearties, yo ho … I know you recognize that song. Elizabeth (Miss Swann) sang it once. On a ship. And so did you in the end.

At one time, she couldn’t breathe. Her dress was too tight and Commodore Norrington thought she was nervous. At this point I must laugh.

Remember these conversations?

First guard to Capt. Jack Sparrow: This dock is off limits to civilians.

Capt. Jack Sparrow: I am terribly sorry. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately.

XOXO----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Captain Jack Sparrow: Where did you get that? (Looking at a Pirate’s coin on Elizabeth’s neck)

Commodore Norrington: (With sword to Sparrow’s neck) on your feet.

Governor Swann: Elizabeth, are you alright?

Elizabeth: Yes, I’m fine.

Governor Swann: Shoot him (Covering Elizabeth with his coat and asking his guards to kill Captain Jack Sparrow)

Elizabeth: Father!

Gov. Swann: What?

Elizabeth: Commodore … do you intend to kill my rescuer?

Capt. Jack Sparrow: (turns to first guard and motions a Thank you)

Commodore Norrington: I believe thanks are in order.

Captain Jack Sparrow: (Stretching out his hand to Commodore Norrington.)

Commodore Norrington: Had a brush with the East Indian Trading Company, did we? Pirate?

Captain Jack Sparrow: (Says something I couldn’t understand)

Gov. Swann: Hang him.

Commodore Norrington: (To the guards) Keep your guns on him.

Gillette, fetch some iron.

                                                (Taking Sparrows hand and examining it)Well, well. Jack Sparrow, isn’t it?

Capt. Jack Sparrow: Captain Jack Sparrow, if you please, sir.

Commodore Norrington: Well, I don’t see your ship Captain.

Capt. Jack Sparrow: I’m in the market Sir, as it were.

First Guard to Commodore Norrington: He said he’d come to commandeer one.

Second guard to First Guard: I told you he was telling the truth.

Second guard to Commodore Norrington: These are his, Sir.

Commodore Norrington:  No additional shot, no powder; a compass that doesn’t point north; (Pulling Captain Jack Sparrow’s sword out of its sheath) And I half expected it to be made of wood!

Captain Jack Sparrow: (Smiles Vaguely at Commodore)

Commodore Norrington:You are without a doubt the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of.

Capt. Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.

Commodore Norrington: (Grabs Jacks hand and pulls him to one side of the ship)

Elizabeth: (Walking swiftly towards Commodore) Commodore, I really must protest.

Commodore to Lieutenant: Carefully, lieutenant.

Elizabeth: Pirate or not,this man saved my life.

Commodore: One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness.

Capt. Jack Sparrow: Though it seems enough to condemn him.

Commodore: Indeed.

Capt Jack Sparrow: (With his shackles on Elizabeth’s neck) finally.

Elizabeth: (Shrieks)

Gov. Swan: No!!! (To guards)No! Don’t shoot!

Capt. Jack Sparrow to Elizabeth: I knew you’d warm up to me.

Capt. Jack Sparrow to Commodore: Commodore Norrington, my effects, please. And my hat.

                                                                (Commodore is unsure of what to do)

Capt. Jack Sparrow: (Shouting) Commodore!!!

Commodore: (Turning to guards while guard no.1 brings Capt. Jack Sparrows effects)

Capt Jack Sparrow to Elizabeth: It is Elizabeth isn’t it.

Elizabeth: It’s Miss Swan.

Captain Jack Sparrow: Miss Swan, If you’d be so kind.

Come, come dear. We don’t have all day. (Elizabeth takes Capt. Jack Sparrows effects and put them on the pirate Capt.)

Easy on the goods, darling

Elizabeth: You’re despicable.

Captain Jack Sparrow: Sticks and stones, love. I saved your life, you saved mine. We’re square.

Gentlemen, Milady, you’ll always remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.

Blah blah ...

Commodore Norrington: Gillette, Mr. Sparrow has made an appointment with the gallows. I’d hate for him to miss it …

Jeez, I am already tired from all this commentary. Scriptwriters do get tired!!! God!

You know you are Captain even in death, Sparrow? I need to laugh. Honestly, you make my days memorable. Well, days that I get to see your red band and craziness. And I don’t care how old this movie is. I’ve watched it so many times. It’s a classic.

Lose the rum addiction. God!!!

And stop calling the cracken a terrible beastie. Like seriously?

And that paint that makes you look like you are staring instead of blinking is awesome. I wouldn’t have thought of that.

And stop telling Turner that Elizabeth should be responsible for her mistakes. She did it for you. Remember?

Well, this is just a tip of the iceberg. Remember your first death? Or should I call it reincarnation? You got replaced by the 2^nd captain who owns a stupid monkey. Yes, Captain Barbossa.

Elizabeth killed you? Why do I not feel sorry? Anyway, you are not dead.

Picking your crew was super hilarious. You need to fall in love with Mr. Gibbs. That guy really loves you. I’m not telling you to be gay. Just be pirate buddies. I want to say bros but that is super gay. I hear guys talking about it and one word comes to mind, gays! And stop being scared by Ragetti (the guy who keeps dropping his fake wooden eye).Pintel, ah, the friend’s name. Cotton’s parrot, well thank you for keeping him, he’s not so bad.

Admiral Beckett? Really? There was no one available for that slot? No Briton available? That guy has acted as the first suitor to Elizabeth in Jane Austen’s masterpiece. I forget his name. I hate him. It’s awesome he got what he deserved in the end. Good business my foot!!! But you deserve credit because if I loved you, then your role would be useless.

And that octopus, Jesus! He’s hideous but I love the “Do you fear death” part. He’s a natural. Ah! Yes! David Jones. I don’t like the back thingy. It makes him more hideous. And his claw! Jesus!

Calypso … too bad she means nothing to you. She’s everything to Jones. But Jones is a fool only wanting more crewmen and recognizing Calypso in the end.

Chartman? Hehehe …

So Barbossa doesn’t understand your Locker plans. Just say you are plan-less. Since when does Capt. Jack Sparrow have plans? And no!!! I didn’t say you are stupid.

And that part of Elizabeth and the Gov. Swann tore me to pieces … was that part necessary?

Remember Parle? The parrot said that to the monkey when you guys decided to point guns at each other. And you said it when pirates around you looked at you because you backed the war.

The telescope war was hilarious. Capt. Jack Sparrow, see a doctor ASAP.

The Brethren court … whatever!!! Captain didn’t like the idea Barbossa. I didn’t either but you say you are Captain too not chartman… get a ship seriously. Yours has been owned by Sparrow and trust me, he’s obsessed with ships … or you can fight for it and lose.

And Sao Feng … well, what the hell happened to your face? Jesus!!!

Captain Turner, I like you. Burden to bear?...We both know that is not original.

Captain Jack Sparrow wants to be saved because he’s missed. I am still processing that line… Of course you are missed by everyone who loves you but not your crew. Well, the ones with emotion and the monkey. C’mon, they are pirates.

And David Jones is an old friend which you survived even after the doubts. Always put that in mind. Well you can close your eyes and pretend it’s a bad dream. It’s how you get by, Capt. Jack Sparrow.

And those glasses should be given to toddlers if they are still there. People toast in those? That’s a bad joke, right?

Barbossa, your words are real. Honor is a hard thing to come by nowadays.

Anyone who trusts the Captain for anything else except to charter the waters is doomed. We both know it. I am talking of Captain Jack Sparrow.

James or rather Norrington. I forgot your rank. You were right. It’s liberating to know that your destiny was entwined with Elizabeth’s but not joined. I didn’t like your role in one and two but now I’m cool with it. No wonder Elizabeth felt that way for you.

Captain Jack Sparrow said to Capt. Turner that “death has a curious way of reshuffling one’s priorities.” I agree. It does. What looked so important may no longer mean anything.

One of my favorite  Conversations …

David Jones: Do you fear death?

Captain Jack Sparrow: You’ve no idea

The Jamaican woman. Calypso. I love her accent but the crabs went overboard!!! I mean it.

I want to say a lot more but you’ll always remain a favorite.

Savvy…