The Maybes and the What Ifs …

Today I logged into my social wall and read an update that got me thinking. I have thought severally along those mentioned lines but since there is no certain answer, I prefer to not think about things that never reach any conclusions, just speculation. Well, for some people this may be true but I’d like to think along two lines. Sometimes things are not what they seem to be and I can attest to that fact.

This lady wonders whether she’s ever met her husband to be. She wonders whether they’ve met in places she goes to. Well, having liked the status, I’d say it leaves you wondering: What if? …

Too many things are out of our control and if this happens, what can you do about it? Nothing! It is disturbing to say the least especially for those who’d like to think along those lines of “only this piece fits the puzzle”. I once thought that way but life has taught me otherwise but doubt still haunts me.

You can waste time crying over failed encounters with someone you thought completes you or you can move on and let fate do its magic. Maybe you avoided a series of heartbreaks or maybe that person would have seriously hurt you then. These are just maybes … no hard facts because no one knows what could have been … it’s all speculation.

Or...

What if the update leaves an undeniable truth? What if this is easier said than done? Or what if you are just lying to your dear self? Everything has its perfect timing and all these “what ifs” get their answer then.

My advice to the person who wrote this update is that whatever may have happened or will happen in the future is well known to God. Leave it to him. You are only human. What can you do about such “hard to decipher” things?

Don’t kill yourself with thoughts that will leave you frustrated. Your husband will know you. So will your wife. It’s impossible for both parties not to know. You just know it. This cannot be explained … and even if it didn’t happen then, time is still in effect and it just may happen … I’m no expert but I believe it is called hope …

I’d recommend you watch 3 Idiots … you’ll understand love. It’s never good to follow a movie but you can’t lie to your heart.

Too bad that’s love …

When Life Comes Callin’ …

When I was in my early twenties, I think I was confused. I lived life with no purpose or imagination. Now that I have a different perspective to life, I wonder where I was when life was happening!

Honestly if you ask me what I was thinking then, I’d say I wasn’t. You can live without living. Then I wanted to read, finish my studies and enjoy my life but the thought of “years to come” never crossed my mind. I was lost without knowing it. And if you would have tried to explain it then I wouldn’t have understood. Or maybe I would have? Let me leave that to your imagination.

Now I have come to a certain conclusion about this issue. If you live in a certain place, you most likely develop the aura of that place. If you compare the “me in Eastern Kenya” and the “me in the Western side of Kenya”, you’d think I have a personality disorder.

I am two different people. A place has an effect on you whether you want to admit it or not. Here I am outgoing, I have a purpose, I know what I want, and I am happy. Out there I feel lost and out of place. No wonder my parents hated it when I wanted to settle in the Rift Valley of Kenya.  

Then I couldn’t see it but now I do.

Now don’t misunderstand me. The western side of Kenya is okay but it would have been smarter if I stayed in the City during my days as a student. I wanted to travel then, which is okay but apparently settling was not. Life works differently for everyone. Maybe right now it would be okay if I chose to settle there. But I am not saying I will or I even want to. I don’t. I like it here …

Why did I choose to study in that area? I thought the frequent strikes in public universities in Kenya especially in the city would make me stay longer than necessary in school. I should have known better.

No wonder the bible says somewhere that “My people perish for lack of knowledge”

I was ignorant then. Now I realize that you have to look at a situation from various angles and choose wisely everything in life. But who can blame me? I was young and stupid. Although I remember sitting in the offices of one University in Nairobi choosing university courses and wishing that the course would be found within the city.

After all, I was in a Private University in the City then and I loved it there although I really hated the diploma course I was doing.

I am a science person. I don’t mind the arts too but math! Dear heavens!  I was pursuing an accounting diploma and I didn’t like it one bit. If only there was a science course at that university! I didn’t have much of a choice then because my dad told me to choose between Information Technology (IT)  and Accounts. Accounts looked more practical then.

Anyway, that being established, I realized that I hated accounts although everyone seemed to enjoy it. There was a two year gap between high school and college. For those joining private universities, it was better because waiting for so long was depressing. That’s why I had to read something before I got admitted into college.

Thank God that gap is now past tense. What was it for anyway? I think it’s just a stalling tactic for people to grow older and hopefully wiser. I think it’s a dumb move in the then educational system. Considering in Southern France you go through five-year campus schooling and graduate with a degree and a masters at 23. An awesome crash program that affords you all the time to enjoy your youth, travel, make all the senseless mistakes you want and build a life … Kenya should emulate this.

Such an education system will mean that the country has more literate persons with the choice of doing a PH.D or not at a young age. Then maybe we will have more able young professors and less old people struggling to work with damaged brains due to too much reading. This will in turn translate to better lives in the future. While I respect old professors, it’s obvious that the developed countries invest heavily in education and even offer scholarships for those willing to do PH.D’S. Ask yourself why?

The education system in Kenya offers a wide variety of courses. But the newer courses leave you in a quagmire. What should a microbiologist do with farmers? There are no microbiology jobs in Kenya with a job description that actually makes use of that knowledge fully. You are just fitted with other related jobs. That’s my experience anyway.

There’s too much funding poured for surveys and research into agriculture. If you are looking for a job that pays well in Agriculture, apply to private organizations in the Sector. The Government salary is not a lot but the stipend and Night out imprest is impressive especially with high education levels and many night outs.

 Yet the farmer continues to grow poorer. Such Irony! People happy in their Agriculture jobs are having the time of their lives. I don’t think I will settle for a boring job. I will do it but keep looking for something to do that’s actually interesting. It’s out there somewhere.

 Anyway, time to find me a scholarship … tired of Agriculture … It is really not my place.

Right Now Random Thoughts …

Computer art (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One …

What is usually off with people this last week of the month? Is it being broke? I have noticed people tend to be stressed with life a little bit more than other times of the month.

Recently I had an appointment with my physiotherapist and the mood there was somber ...so dull, God. Those people need to be paid. I asked my doc there what was up and the reply I got was hilarious. “Pressures of life”

Oh! I understand its occupational therapy not physiotherapy. I’ll Google the difference later …

I mean, look around you. The stress seems multiplied … People are not as happy as they usually are … why? Does money really dictate our lives that much? You mean you can’t be happy unless you’ve been paid your end month dues? Wow!

I do worry if there are bills to be paid and I am broke but I have realized its money management that’s usually the biggest problem. I am dealing with mine.  Once you solve that, you should be okay. And pay your tithes for God’s sake. It’s such a simple task yet so hard for most of us … I pay mine. I started recently. I must say it’s looking good so far.

Call me a critic. You’re right. I am. But I am just analyzing life as it is. No hard feelings attached to my criticism. I like to think before my thinking gets fried … You know the life is short; enjoy every moment theory… I happen to subscribe to it… I’m tempted to give “theory” a bad word but nah … not today …

Money is powerful … Good management is more powerful …

Two …

I have realized that no matter how hard you try to be nice to people, there will always be someone who sees what you do in negative light. So why waste your time explaining anything? Going about your business normally, posting your normal stuff on your social wall, trying everyday to be yourself and living your life the best way you know will somehow translate into a thorn in someone’s world. My advice? If you know your intentions are pure and you are just being you, other people’s words are none of your business. Be you and be happy about it. If your intentions aren’t, then you need to fix yourself.

Live free, carry on …

Three …

Do you have something that’s bothering you? What is the root cause? Unless you fix it from the root, it will always mutate into something else and present itself as a different problem every time or a more complicated similar problem … Attack it from the roots and you will soon get rid of it.

Four …

Being positive helps. I was told I complain too much. It’s true. I know where I got that trait from but I won’t get into the details. Not important. What’s important is that I be rid of it. Any gentle suggestions are highly welcome … keep the harsh ones  to yourself …

Who Killed Chivalry and its female version? …

Ever had that friend who for reasons known to the heavens becomes a real pain every once in a while? The gossiping in bad taste, always seeing people in bad light and trying to distort the truth? A cycle of madness maybe? Maybe …

I have realized that you need to understand people in order to live with them. That is why you cannot get along with everyone every time. And it is very okay. No need to kill yourself with worry. You wonder what happens to people occasionally. Learn the weaknesses and faults of people and avoid pitfalls.  See whether you can cope, ignore or walk away. Don’t try to reason it out. You will die of mind cancer. In fact, the weakness should only serve to make you a better person. I think studying people is just interesting …

You make someone insecure so she lashes out with the occasional attack on you that you have no control over just to console her dear self. When you see someone want to make you feel inferior, understand. The person has a need to feel superior because to her, you are what she dreams to become or it’s out of pure malice … whether that person admits it or not is irrelevant. It’s pure psychology. Stay far from such people. They are like clouds, when they go away, it’s a bright day.

The attack on how you look shows insecurity in someone. Maybe that person has issues with her body and she shows it through attacking yours. I have seen it with ladies especially. Men just live. They don’t care. If you find one that does, he’s so gay! If you ever hear a guy point out that his arms are huge, run! That’s a girl thing. Men will go to tone something in the gym and grow some abs. Maybe. But bicker? No no! Men are problem solvers not “another version of ladies”. Maybe that is why many ladies like male friends more. No issues.
Anyway, don’t let someone get away with some statements if you value yourself but be wise too and know when to just let it go and let those people stew in their insecurities. It also feels good to ignore petty people.

One time I blasted a friend of mine for attacking my boobs. You know those bad comments that people make without realizing they might hurt your feelings. But the article is not about her lest you jump into your own sad conclusions. She’s a darling. I am trying to emphasize a point.

I realize now that I was sensitive then, perhaps very sensitive. I am no longer that sensitive. That part of me died. And I’m happy it did because it used to make life difficult for me. Nowadays I am care free and if I care about what you just blurted in bad taste, I will put you in your place. Most times, I say what is on my mind. A girl gotta defend herself from those would be tasteless jokes. But if there is a school for sensitivity, I think it would be of help to people who are a little too sensitive for life. Oh! There is! The school is called meditation I think. Its helped me and I think you can benefit too.

So, what happened to being gentlemen and ladies anywhere not just in the malls? I guess that one reason I hate market places. I find people there uncivilized and uncouth. People with little respect for grace and poise and all those nice things that go with a civilized society. You may think its pretense. Well, for some it is while to others, a way of life. But you can always tell a poser from the real thing. And we are not talking about VIP parties and social functions here. Get this. It’s about carrying yourself like a respectable human being despite your social level. Allow me to say this because it’s obvious money got into people’s heads and there is nothing you can do about that! Thank God for educated business people. They really define the difference. Well, most not all ... some just got educated by luck because education was getting into the brain through one ear and out the other one. I think the little education got trapped somewhere between the two ears!

I don’t know who told people that some things belong to a certain class. I’ve never heard of anyone buying grace. Poise too. So it’s not about money really. On the contrary! I think people just don’t want to be responsible and considerate. Being polite, treating people with respect and minding your own business is the least you could do in a world with 7 billion people.  And don’t stare too. I am trying to show you why I’d rather pay more for a service if I can afford it at a place with friendly ambiance, than go haggle the same in a place full of people who have no idea what chivalry is so that I save. I do not save at the expense of getting insulted.  And I am not talking of pride. There is a difference please.

Call it what you want. My motive tells it all. The era of pleasing people in my life died and however harshly you want to judge me, I am trying to find a place in life where I fit with people who understand where I am coming from. If you do not understand me, then I guess you do not fit in my world. But this is not to say we won’t interact. It’s just that we may never see a situation in the same way. And agreeing to disagree is fine with me.

This is very okay. There are many ways of seeing a situation. It just depends with your philosophical bend and maybe, just maybe I happen not to subscribe to the same school of thought …

Business ...

I have tried my hand in business. I must say I LOVE IT! Why? Not because I make huge profits but the thrill of having an ongoing project is simply amazing.
I consider it a success when something I initiated is running despite the challenges.
The challenges are many. People refuse with your money. Others are so jealous it hurts. Jealous of you for no good reason ... you may not be making much but there are people who just feel "ouchy" you are alive and breathing. Others see you as bad competition. Others are just insecure you're around.
I say its the attitude that matters.
I keep my stuff to myself. I do not like to show off. I like to pride myself in what goals I have achieved. I do not like to compare although sometimes I may get frustrated I am not realizing my goals. It happens to the best of us.
I like to plan. Live in such a way that I can say I have achieved something that day.
I like to be positive although my physiotherapist thinks I complain too much. He says that I have too many "I can'ts".   
Its because some exercises I am currently on are haaaard! Oh My God! Haaard as hell! You know its one  thing to remind your muscles that they used to work like this. And then its another for someone to not understand that the very simple thing that comes naturally to them is math to you. Its like being told to use your third hand. How do you even start to feel that imaginary hand?
I never understood physiotherapy until I got there. But hey! It works!!!!
Medicine and its wonders! I had almost given up. Was almost going for acupuncture. The fear of pain put me off. Why would I inflict pain to my body if I can avoid it? Acupuncuture will have to wait ... maybe forever ... So would tattoos. I love how some look amazing but why would I have my body burnt by that pen just for a tat? I wish I were that crazy in real life. Frankly, my daughter will have an easy going mum. The dad will be the deciding factor to many don'ts in her life. I guess its coz my dad is a free styler now, no issues .. People change, well, when they want to (maybe I am the one who changed)... in the past it was so hard to understand him ... Now we are the best of friends ...
Anyway, business ...
I like to work with people but I am short-tempered and blunt. So blunt it hurts ... This is not so good in business ... it proves costly to me because I have to hire PR. I call it help ... That's why I want a passive business ... As in shares, stocks, bonds and any new ideas of investing and doing business without interacting with customers. Clearly, I'm no good on this front ... and I'm not gonna try. Just be myself ...